The Legend Started Here...

It's tiring all this exercise!

Sleep is a bit of a controversial subject in the Branchett house at the moment. Neither Ben nor Molly is particularly enamoured with the idea of going to bed in the evening, but for some strange reason I am struggling to get much sleep. The children, however, have no such problem! They have had a busy few days.

Yesterday, Ben marched with his Beaver colony in the Remembrance day parade in the village just up from where we live. Me and Molly went too, whilst Dunc worked hard at DIY at home.

Benjy Parading

Ben and Molly both really enjoyed it and Nanny and Peter came to meet us for the walk back from the church. It's probably only just over half a mile's walk, but Molly walked almost all the way there and back. Admittedly me and Mols were a lot slower than everyone else due the shorter length of her legs!

It's one of the first times Molly has walked any distance and we are so thankful that she can, as one of the very real considerations we had to face when she was born was that she may not have ben able to walk at all.

We just didn't know until she started sitting and standing and eventually, walking. In the end, she walked just before her second birthday, when she was 18 months corrected age. Her consultant put it almost perfectly at her two year check: 'she has clearly escaped her extreme prematurity without any major neurodevelopmental problems'. His use of the word 'escaped' feels extremely apt...she has had an extremely lucky escape.

She loves being active and wants to do everything that Ben does, so we are encouraging her interest in dancing and gymnastics, thinking they may help any difficulties she may experience with co-ordination. Molly spends Mondays with Nanny and goes to Jo Jingles and gymnastics with her...amongst lots of other things...Nanny seems to fit more into one day than the rest of us do in a week!

Having a cuddle when we got back from the church service

One of the things I worry about with Molly is that because she is so little, we sometimes tend to baby her a little more than we did with Ben, just because we can. She walks much less than Ben used to, partly because she doesn't yet look too uncomfortable in her buggy! We also carry her more, because she isn't as heavy. She would probably still fit in her highchair, but we got her a booster seat just before her third birthday. Whilst I don't want her to grow up too fast, I want her to have as much independence as she can. I guess the next thing we need to do is to take the bars off her cot...we haven't crossed that bridge yet, but it will probably be one day soon.

So it's apt that when I looked back through the photos of this day three years ago, I found one of Molly tucked up...fast asleep. Because I was so late back from work tonight, I didn't really have time to take a photo of Molly before she went to bed...so I decided to take one whilst she was sleeping.

 

Night night all... :)

3 years ago tonight

Grown up girl smoozing in her Peppa bed...still the same snuggly though!

 

Mixed Feelings...

I wrote the title of this blog post and coincidentally, as I did so, a lovely lady I have met via mutual friends who have also had prem babies, sent me a message on fb. Her little girl is in NICU at the moment and she is hopeful she will come home soon. She is so excited and relieved, but almost can't believe it would ever happen. And I can relate to that feeling so, so well. I'm pretty sure you'll be reading this and you know who you are...you're an amazing lady with an amazing family...sending all my love and so much luck to all of you. xxx

Having a new baby is such a mixture of emotions...at times amazing, scary, wonderful, exciting...indescribable almost...and when it comes to bringing a baby home who may have been so poorly, so premature, those feelings of relief, delight and sheer, sheer terror are magnified! Don't get me wrong, life on NICU can be heartbreaking and frustrating at times. It can feel suffocating, but there is a safety net of Drs and nurses in the same building if you or your baby need them. And even though sometimes, unfortunately, there is nothing they can do, at least you know they are there on hand. When you are at home with a baby who may still be very tiny and pretty sick, or who may need extra help from home oxygen or medications for example, hospital and indeed any kind of medical help can seem an awfully long way away...

The terror of the outside world and things like germs are something I'm sure I'll touch on again and they sound a bit bizarre...but they are very real fears...

With Molly, her milestones and events in her life are usually ones that bring mixed emotions. Izzy's birthday is just 8 days before Molly's. When Izzy died, I was still pregnant with Molly. I was too scared to grieve for her...just in case I went into labour again! We couldn't have a funeral for Izzy initially, as I couldn't leave the hospital. And even when Molly was born, she was so fragile it felt too much like tempting fate to have a funeral for Izzy...just in case we had to do it all again so soon afterwards.

I think in some ways it did make it easier at the time to have to keep positive for Molly's sake, but it didn't always feel like it. It almost meant we didn't feel the absolute joy of Molly's highs, for fear we might have to face up to the pain we needed to feel about Izzy. It's taken a long time for us as a family to start 'feeling' things again...and I'm not sure we're there yet, but we're certainly getting there. And every one of Molly's milestones is an achievement to be celebrated, but there is often that little voice that says in my ear... 'What would Izzy be doing if she were here?'

Don't get me started on bumping into other little twin girls...I try to avoid picking Molly up from nursery if I can, because two of her little friends are beautiful blonde twins and although they are lovely children and Molly adores them, seeing them together is just so painful. It's pathetic and childish, but it just feels so unfair that they can be together and Molly and Izzy can't. Not that Molly worries about it at all, but I just so wish sometimes that things could be different.

So once Molly was about a month old, we started to think about what we could do for Izzy's funeral and it seemed like a good idea to plan it for the same day as Georgie's had been in 2008 - 10th November. It seemed like far enough away that we might have some idea of what would be happening with Molly and we thought it would be easier to have just one funeral date to remember for both our son and daughter. Being the day before Remembrance Day too, it seemed appropriate.

We'd been told to hope Molly might be home for christmas, so the idea that Molly would be home in time for her twin sister's funeral on 10th November 2009 hadn't even crossed our minds. But she was home the day before and so we felt it only right that Molly came with us. Molly's first trip out was to say goodbye to Izzy. It was lovely. Molly, me and Dunc were there, obviously, as were Grandad Frank, Nanny, (Grandpa!) Peter, Grandad Stephen and Granny Lynn.

Vicar Peter, who was then the vicar from our local village church, led the short service. It was beautiful. Vicar Peter also performed Georgie's funeral and married me and Dunc on Georgie's due date, so he will always have a very special place in our hearts.

We had the same poem that we had at Georgie's funeral and that Cool Auntie Hannah also read so beautifully at our wedding...it still makes me cry just copying and pasting it here:

I have not turned my back on you,
so there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven,
just beyond the morning sky.
I've seen you almost fall apart,
when you could barely stand.
I asked the Lord to comfort you,
and watched him take your hand.
He told me you are in more pain,
then I could ever be.
He wiped his eyes and swallowed hard,
then gave your hand to me.
Although you may not feel my touch,
or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you,
while I wiped each tear you cried.
So please try not to ache for me,
we'll meet again one day,
beyond the dark and stormy sky,
a Rainbow lights the way.

Author unknown

Molly slept for a little bit of the service and then woke up and started gurgling contentedly. It was hard to be too sad with her there too. Vicar Peter said some lovely things and gave us a beautiful picture of a rainbow shaft of light on some organ pipes. That picture is framed with some other tiny keepsakes from Molly's early days and hangs on the wall over her bed: 

The rainbow pipes from Vicar Peter are in the large frame on the left

And in the middle at the bottom is Molly's tiny, tiny dummy...it was a huge source of comfort to her when she was in her incubator and for a while afterwards until she grew big enough to have a 'normal' one! You can see from the next photo the scale of the dummy to her cot!!

Molly's cot this morning

Another of the coincidences that happened with Molly was that Dunc discovered whilst we were pregnant that his colleague Steve and his wife Laura were also expecting their first baby...on the same day as the twins original due date! They came to visit us when Molly was still at BWH. I treasure the family and friends who cared enough to come and visit Molly when she was that tiny...although they may not realise how much it meant to us.

Megan was actually born four weeks early and arrived on my birthday...30th October. She and Molly met when Molly had come home and Megan was a couple of weeks old....bearing in mind they should have been born the same day...look at the size difference! 

Just imagine what these two might look like in 3 years time...

You may already know that Molly loves her ballet lessons...her little (or should I say big!) friend Megan has just started ballet with her too...this was them (three years on!) this morning...thought it was a cracking opportunity to reenact the original photo...thanks to Duncan for his photographic skills...

Megan and Molly dressed for ballet this morning...

So mixed feelings indeed...but definitely on the positive side. :) :) :)

 

 

 

 

Better late than never...!

So...on Monday 9th November 2009 we were finally allowed to bring Molly home, after 101 days in hospital. Here are the photos I really should have put up at the time!!

Molly in her pink cardigan made by Nanny

I have said this so many times tonight looking back over Molly's pictures, but I cannot believe how small she was!!!

The day of discharge, Molly weighed a whole 3lb 13ozs...just over three times her birth weight. She was 38 weeks gestation when we came home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I absolutely LOVED Molly's first snow suit

I was clearly excited...I think I wore make up for the first time since she was born!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Escaping!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think my body was still convinced I was pregnant... ;)

 

 

 

 

Molly in her enormous car seat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And when we finally got home, Molly got to sleep in the same moses basket her big brother Ben and her two cousins used...but looking back it was ridiculously large!!!

Molly and the Moses Basket

And that night, whilst Ben was tucked up in bed and Molly snoozed in her moses basket in the living room, me and Dunc ate chinese takeway and toasted both our little girls with one of the bottles of champagne we received as a wedding present.

And we watched the documentary Kym Marsh made names 'Born to Soon' that featured Molly and her little friend Daisy amongst others, as it was filmed partially at BWH. One of the most poignant moments was the credits at the end, as it mentioned that Molly was still thought to be in hospital. Dunc and I were literally jumping up and down shouting at the tv. The fact that she came home the very day it was aired was the most amazing coincidence, but these fortuitous things do seem to have a habit of occurring around Mols. And we wouldn't want it any other way.. :)

And this evening...Molly had takeaway of her own...her favourite... fish and chips. :)

Mmmmm....curry sauce!

Three years on...how things change!

Hello again...or hello for the first time if you have never read Molly's blog before!

I can't believe it has been three years since I last wrote this blog. I was a little cross with myself for giving up, but once Molly came home, I just wasn't in the right place and didn't have the time to do it. But now I'd like to update it...for at least a month. Three years of being at home feels like a huge milestone and I'd like to celebrate it through Molly's blog. I've also just re-read the subtitle...and at the moment this blog is not fulfilling its own brief...there is no 'and beyond!'

We've had some amazing times in the last three years or so since Molly has been born. I've had opportunities I never would have had if the circumstances of Molly's birth had been different. And most importantly, Molly herself is doing better than we ever, ever could have expected. We are all so lucky and I am so, so grateful for the amazing medical care Molly has received over her life to date and the support of family, friends and strangers who have become friends, many of whom are now dearly treasured.

I would like to take the opportunity to catch up with Molly's milestones and to look at life with an extremely premature baby from the perspective of a parent three years down the line.

So today on the 8th November 2012...it is three years to the day since my last post should have been uploaded!  And bizarrely, this morning I spent a few hours at Birmingham Womens Hospital, where Molly was born, on a visit with the South West Midlands Newborn Network. It was good to see old friends and meet new ones. I'm a parent representative for the network and I absolutely love it. I have been on the board for 2 years now and it is challenging, fun and extremely interesting, but most of all I get to give something back and hopefully make even the tiniest difference to other families who may be going through what we were. 

So I intend to take a photo of Moo Moo every day, just as I did in the beginning...because as I said at the start, I don't want to forget. Molly is a healthy, fun-loving, cheeky three year old, who loves music, singing and dancing. This time is precious, as she's growing up fast! I'll try to blog every day during November, at least. And in the meantime, some recent piccies to make you smile...:

 

Molly playing the piano... and at ballet with Patch the Dog, her friend from nursery...

 

Saturday 7th November 2009 - Day 99

How proud is Ben of his little sister?!? This was Ben's first cuddle. I'm so happy. :-) There will be lots of pictures of the two of them together, so I apologise now, but I am allowed as I am so excited!!!

We were moved into our own room today. To cut a long story short, the girl next to us develped a cold and I couldn't take the risk that Molly might catch it. So we ended up in our own room, which was lovely and meant that when Ben came, everything was much more relaxed.

Not much to report, really. Everything is going well, Molly is sleeping and feeding well. :-)

Beth came to see us tonight and I forgot to take a photo. D'oh! But thanks for coming Beth - it was lovely to see you again.